I know I’m not alone when I say that I don’t particularly like the “visiting relatives” part of Chinese New Year activities. The original intention, was to foster closer family ties. Back in China, maybe this was useful, and probably still is. In those days, when you were in trouble and you had no one else to turn to, you can always turn to family. “Blood is thicker than water”, so the saying goes.

Nowadays though, from my observation, “family” doesn’t extend too much past your own immediate family – your own kids, and your own parents. I bet not many people have close ties with their nephews, nieces and cousins – let alone their grand-aunts, grand-uncles, and other distantly related “relatives”. Personally, my friends are closer to me than my cousins and nieces and nephews. I have some friends who are the same too – their friends are closer to them than their relatives.

(As a quick aside, when my brother got married, 75% of the people who turned up at the wedding dinner were strangers to me, but my mom said those were our “relatives”. Yeah I’d never seen them before, let alone my brother).

When you partake in this “visiting relatives” thing, suddenly you are reminded WHY you don’t like this part. They would ask you embarrassing questions, or would pry into your private affairs. Or worse still, your own parents might even ridicule you in front of your “relatives”. Yeah Asian parents do that – it’s their way to “motivate” their own kids to “do better”.

The Irritating Things

1. So when are you getting married?

None of your damn business. If I do get married, and if I invite you to the wedding, you’ll know. Incidentally, how many friends do you know, at their wedding, have best men/bridesmaids/witnesses that are their own RELATIVES? 90% of my friends ask their FRIENDS to be in those roles, not their relatives.

2. So when are you having kids?

See point 1.

3. Got girlfriend/boyfriend yet or not? You’re not getting any younger you know?

Why does it concern you, when I don’t see you for 364 days of the year? Must age determine whether I do have a partner? What if I don’t want one? What if I have bad luck and can never find one? What if every boy/girl that I liked, doesn’t like me? Do I even need to explain why I don’t have one/don’t want one?

4. Parents – “You see Steve there? He’s already driving a Mercedes, why aren’t you even a manager yet?”

Yes, Asian parents will ridicule you right in front of your own “relatives” to spur you to do better. The problem is, with people like me, it backfires because then I’ll explain to my mom very loudly how much money Steve needs to pay to the government every month (road tax, parking, petrol, ERP etc), and being a “manager” earning $5,000 a month won’t even cut it with his 3 kids and stay-at-home-do-nothing tai tai wife. Thus me and my meager $2,000 a month salary with no car and no kids actually gives me more cash a month than Steve does. Yeah my mom did that to me, once a LONG time ago, but she never did it again after that 🙂 Besides, it’s not that I can’t make “Manager” level at work – it’s cuz I turned the “promotions” down. Yeah I have turned down promotions like 4 times already… most recent being Jan 2010. Promote my salary, not my title, thanks!

5. (Variation of point 4, for kids that are still in school) Andy is so clever! He gets all As in school! Why you only get C and D ah?

Same shit, different sentence. Which reminds me – a particular cousin which my mom kept praising years ago eversince I was a kid, to ridicule me, is now unemployed and has huge debts. Yeah I never hear my mom praising him anymore about the size of his debts to me. So what if he got all As in school? He still sucked in life. Another cousin which my mom kept praising when we were kids – she was so pretty, so clever, etc etc. She’s now a fat spinster. Pretty and clever? yeah picky too.. She never managed to get married even! WAHAAHAHH!!

6. Parents – “Aiyoh Mary already giving birth to 3rd child now, when are you going to give me a grandchild?”

See point 4. Incidentally, since when did this become a race?

7. You’re too old to be receiving Ang Bao now you know?

This relates to point 1 above – they want you to get married. The Chinese custom is that as long as you’re not married, you’re not considered an “adult”. It’s not really about the money (yeah the Ang Bao’s contain money in them).  Incidentally, this also explains the difference in thinking between Chinese (or maybe Asians in general) and the Westerners – because we’re still “kids” it’s ok to live with the parents even if we’re 35. There’s no shame in saying “yes I live with my mom”. Um no, I don’t live with my mom.

8. Aiyah Jane (friend of a relative) is a very nice girl / Tom is a very nice boy. I introduce you to him/her, ok?

See point 3.

Yes when you have kids of your own, don’t do these shit to them ok? Yes, not even to your own nephews or nieces.